Sunday, 23 February 2020

Pritti Patel


Pritti Patel

Pretty pitiless Pritti Patel
Some say (but not I)
You’re rather attractive
To me you’re a demon out of Hell
Who’s economically inactive?
Pitiless Pritti
Please do tell

And whilst you’re at it
Oh Pritti Gal
What kind of deal
Did you make with Israel?
Did Netanyahu
Make your head swell?
Pitiless Pritti
Please do tell

Pitiless Pritti
Can it be explained?
What did you mean in
Britannia Unchained?
Do you want to shrink
The welfare state?
And ruin the course
Of a worker’s fate
Oh Pitiless Pritti
You drive me crazy
When you say
British workers are lazy
Would it bring  joy
If conditions fell?
Pitiless Pritti
Please do tell

Pitiless Pritti
When migrants are finished
Will worker’s rights
Be further diminished?
It’s such a short while
Since you’ve achieved power
Are there eight million
Jobless now?
Do you wish to employ
The sick and needy
In order to feed
The wicked and greedy?
Would you make
Pensioners work as well?
Pitiless Pritti
Please do tell

Pitiless Pritti
You’ve made me distraught
Is poverty not
The government’s fault?
Do you see yourself
As a Thatcherite belle
A member elite
Of the Tory cartel?
To me you’re a demon out of Hell
You’re
Pretty pitiless Pritti Patel

Saturday, 22 February 2020

Vegan fail

Fillet of steak was a favourite course
Served rare and bloody with thickly cut chips,
Tomatoes, mushrooms and peppercorn sauce,
And many a time would he wipe his lips,
As he chewed and swallowed in between sips
Of Malbec or Shiraz of deepest red,
Prior to mopping with crusty French bread.

One day, in a paper, he read a tale
Of a mother and calf, badly beaten,
And he pondered the fate of cows for sale;
Milked nigh to death and finally eaten.
He thus researched, and upon completion,
Decided he no longer fancied steaks,
Milk in his coffee, or on his cornflakes.

He did more research, and gave up on cheese,
Butter, eggs, and all other dairy fare.
He turned attention to the rivers, seas,
And the mammals and fishes living there.
He mused on fishermen’s nets in despair.
Suffice to say, he no longer ate fish;
Haddock or cod had no place on his dish.

He suffered the ridicule of his peers
They called him rude names (though mostly in jest),
And when he joined them for after work beers,
His diet was sorely put to the test;
He’d guzzled too much, along with the rest,
And at closing time ended up on the street,
In search of more beer and something to eat.

And alas, his veganism was shed;
The gallon of lager led him astray,
A meat craving switch turned on in his head,
And to the kebab house he found his way,
Where a doner ended his brief foray.
The lure of the lamb was hard to ignore;
He was defeated and vegan no more.

These days he’s oft at the dinner table,
Awaiting a fillet of rare cooked steak.
He’d tried for a while, but wasn’t able
To live on a solely vegan intake,
The pledges were all too easy to break;
He’s back to being a carnivore now,
In spite of the calf and suffering cow. 

Friday, 7 February 2020

Hamlet (Redundant)



Hamlet (redundant)

In my heart there is a kind of fighting
That doesn’t allow me to sleep at night.
I wake before dawn with thoughts of writing,
And stare at a screen of Microsoft white.
My wife (who writes at least as well as me),
Lies in light slumber, after deep sleep.
She hasn’t time to sigh ponderously;
She works for us both now; pays for our keep.
I bring her tea and toast; breakfast in bed,
Go back downstairs, sit staring at the screen
And try to convert the thoughts in my head
Into saleable points, not before seen.
But, alas, I’m bereft of ideas;
With thoughts of money, my muse disappears.

Sonnet the hedgehog


Sonnet the hedgehog

I can’t remember the last time I saw
A hedgehog in my back garden at night,
Scurrying around outside the back door,
Or curled up in a ball of prickled fright.
They used to feed upon the slimy slugs
That damaged the flowers, and ate the greens,
And they purged the number of harmful bugs
That spoiled the strawberries and runner beans.
These days, bugs are free to commit their crimes,
The slugs are no longer met with dispatch,
And I look with sadness, back on the times,
When hedgehogs policed our edible patch.
Now hedges by fences have been replaced,
And my back garden is no longer graced.