Thursday, 9 April 2020

Nigel and his red white and blue tinted lenses

Nigel and his red white and blue tinted lenses

Nigel the nationalist, bought one day,
Fantastical specs in an antique sale;
He put them on eagerly, straight away,
And thus begins this unusual tale,
Of a patriotic, very proud male,
Visiting many a glorious place,
And the glasses that never leave his face.

Nigel’s glasses have magic properties;
Keeping all cold reality at bay,
And only the glory in things he sees;
Never a hint of despair or dismay.
Like propaganda, or a children’s play,
They embellish the facts selectively,
And their wearer sees things subjectively.

For instance: he witnessed, Agincourt, France,
Where Henry the fifth, with eight thousand men,
Contested the throne, with longbow and lance,
And slaughtered the French again and again;
Each British knight being worthy of ten;
Yes, he was there, and he heard Henry roar:
“Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more!”

In eighteen o five, Nigel was at sea;
At Trafalgar, he watched, as Nelson’s fleet,
Gave cause to the French and Spanish to flee,
As had been expected, easily beat,
Though Nelson died, in that great battle’s heat;
“Thank God I have done my duty”, he said,
With repetition, and then he was dead.

Oft through those lenses of red white and blue,
Nigel fancied he regularly saw,
Napoleon’s army at Waterloo;
Veterans of twenty three years of war,
Routed by the Duke of Wellington’s core,
Sweeping the field as the French fought and died,
And Napoleon fled with wounded pride.

At other times, shades of Rorke’s Drift appeared:
A hundred and fifty soldiers in red,
By four thousand Zulus, should have been speared,
Mutilated and surely left for dead, 
If not for the fact they were British-bred.
Hence many a Zulu met their maker,
As in the film, starring Stanley Baker.

His spectacles took him over the top,
Of a muddy trench in nineteen sixteen;
He saw wave upon wave of Tommy’s drop,
In a spectacle of slaughter obscene,
And he asked himself, what does this all mean?
But even the glasses changed nothing here,
So he turned away, and ran to the rear.

In the nineteen forties, from a spitfire,
The glasses gave him an aerial view:
He saw the Battle of Britain, entire,
And the bravery of the heroic few,
As into the Nazi bombers they flew.
They were proud British bulldogs, through and through,
And that’s why he chose to leave the EU.

Nigel saw Monty send Rommel to hell;
The bulldog spirit was in him for sure,
On Juno beach, he had it as well,
Being there, on D-Day, in ‘forty four,
And a year later, with a lion’s roar,
When victory came, he hovered in praise,
Over Churchill, on that finest of days. 

He was on the spot when the Junta tried
To take back the Falklands, staking their claim
On The Malvinas and, “Gotcha!” he cried,
When the Belgrano sank, in Thatcher’s name,
As the British armed forces, upped their game.
With Stanley then taken, he reflected,
And cheered when Thatcher was re-elected.

The above and more does Nigel perceive,
With red, white, and blue, distorting it all,
In many things he is led to believe;
The specs play the pipe; he follows their call,
To a promised land; a glorious ball,
Where the sun lights up his every desire,
And never sets on the British Empire.

Those glasses, make things seem rosy indeed,
And, presently, they’re being put to use,
As Britain, once more in an hour of need,
Faces a different type of abuse:
A Corona virus is now on the loose,
Going by the name of, COVID 19,
And Nigel’s vision is sweeping it clean:

“Britain is proud to be standing alone,
We had a vote and we’ve made our point clear:
We’ve set ourselves free from the Eurozone;
There’ll be no EU ventilators here
Boris will save us, we’ve nothing to fear”.
So says Nigel, as battle commences,
Seeing the world through those tinted lenses.

And as this history’s yet to unfold,
I’ll end Nigel’s story, or at least pause;
No one knows the outcome, and, truth be told,
Do I have good reason to mock his cause?
If he’s right, I’ll even offer applause.
Till then dear reader, I’ll leave it now,
As our Nigel awaits his finest hour.

Wednesday, 8 April 2020

Pay cap vote June 29 2017

Pay cap vote June 29 2017

The NHS is up there with the best,
And that’s why I came out, the other night,
To stand in the street and cheer with the rest,
The heroes in the front line of the fight
Against this devastating, dread disease,
With all its remorseless brutality,
Bringing nurses and doctors to their knees,
In the face of their own mortality.
Yes, I stood and cheered, and will do again;
Indeed, I could say, I feel duty bound,
To applaud the brave relievers of pain,
Risking their lives to keep all safe and sound,
Including the voters who looked away
When cheering Tories capped NHS pay.

Tuesday, 7 April 2020



With policies of the bluest hue,
You’ve imprinted your mark upon our age,
And now, I find myself likening you
To a caterpillar at pupa stage;
A chrysalis in hibernation state,
Watched and attended to with loving care,
And I’m wondering, what will be your fate?
Are radical changes going on there?
I say, with the deepest sincerity,
I hope you’ll burst from your hapless cocoon,
A picture of health and vitality,    
And with brand new wings you’ll fly away soon,
Leaving a vacancy there in your stead,
For an admiral, of the deepest red.

Monday, 6 April 2020

Olympics 2020 men’s 100 metre final (COVID STYLE)

Olympics 2020 men’s 100 metre final (COVID STYLE)

Athletes, their respective venues, and local GMT.

Christian Coleman (USA): National Stadium, Tokyo, Japan. GMT 23:00.
Noah Lyles (USA): Luzhhniki stadium Moscow, Russia. GMT 17:00.
Divine Oduduru (Nigeria): Barra Park Stadium Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. GMT 11:00.
Nigel Ellis (Jamaica): Birds Nest Stadium, Beijing, China. GMT 22:00.
Yohan Blake (Jamaica) LA Memorial Stadium, Los Angeles,  USA. GMT 07:00.
Andre de Grasse (Canada): FNB Stadium,  Johannesburg, South Africa. GMT 16:00.
Abdul Hakim Sani Brown (Japan): Munich Stadium, Munich, Germany. GMT 16:00.
Akani Simbine (South Africa) London Stadium, London, UK. GMT 14:00.

In spite of Corona, isolation
And lockdown forced upon every nation,
Thanks to worldwide cooperation,
Olympic will and determination,
The day of reckoning is finally here;
Billions in living rooms now can cheer,
The athletes, each, in a separate location,
Poised in silent anticipation,
Lined up against each other on screen,
In empty stadiums, immaculately clean,
Psyching themselves for the ultimate test;

A record breaking personal best:

In Tokyo’s National Stadium today,
Christian Coleman of the USA,
Gives his compatriot, Noah Lyles,
In Russia’s Luzhniki, the briefest of smiles,
Divine Oduduru’s hoping to thrill,
Nigeria in the Barra Park, Brazil,
Nigel Ellis in Beijing’s Bird Nest,
Has assured Jamaica, he’ll run his best
As has Yohan Blake, in Memorial, LA;
He’s dying to win a gold medal today,
Andre de Grasse hopes Canada will see
Him win, in South Africa’s FNB,
Japan’s Abdul Hakim Sani Brown,
In Munich’s, determined to bring the house down,
And, South African, Akani Simbine,
Hopes, from London, to sweep the board cleanly.

On your marks,
Get set,

Lyles is off fast;
Coleman too,
Oduduru’s lagging,
Blake’s through,
Ellis and Grasse
Are neck and neck,
Brown’s keeping
Simbine in check,
Nearly there
Lyles is in full flare
But Oduduru’s
Had a burst;
He’s gone
From last to first.

He’s over the line,
In a very fast time:

Oduduro; new Olympic champion,
In the quiet and empty Russian stadium,
Sees on the screens each fellow athlete,
Congratulate him on his wondrous feat;
He was up against the best, and what’s more,
There’s never been an African winner before,
And I hope in future, many will speak,
Of this race, in so many ways, unique;
Will it overshadow COVID 19?
The answer to that, remains to be seen;
I wonder if, four years from this day,
The race will be run in the usual way,
And though dear reader, it has to be said,
The entire event, came out of my head
I’m sure you’ll agree, as I grind to a halt,
It was less of a race, in the absence of Bolt.



They kicked in the door with tempers inflamed
Entered the house of the named and shamed
Dragged the occupant into the street
Handcuffed his hands and tied his feet

Over his head they placed a sack 
Went off in a van with him in the back
To an undisclosed remote location
Where there began an interrogation

As one of their members all the while
Filmed and recorded the kangaroo trial
With muffled voices they screamed their hate
And battered him into a bloody state

He begged pleaded and offered bribes too
But showing no mercy was their common view
And when they were done they left him there
Half dead in the middle of night and nowhere

After farewells and mutual praise
The merry gang went their separate ways
And being a conscientious man

Their driver with alcohol cleaned his van

Into his house he stealthily crept
And as his wife and children slept
He left his mask and suit in the hall
Previewed the film and uploaded it all

On a fake account with traces removed
Ensuring involvement could never be proved 
He posted the footage there to be found
Like a virus to share and spread around

Curled up in bed with his sleeping wife
At ease and totally content with life
He felt the caper a job fairly done
And the film of a standard second to none

Was sure to be seen by hordes of punters
And knowing for certain it would be banned
He entered sleep with another one planned

Saturday, 4 April 2020

Boxset (dedicated to Ben Powis)

Boxset (dedicated to Ben Powis)

Since socialising is against the law;
You can’t visit friends, or go to the pub;
Amazon, Netflix, iPlayer, More 4,
Sky Atlantic, and The ITV Hub,
Are alternatives to restaurants, bars,
Coffee shops, theatres, and cinemas,
And, I have to say, you’ve a treat in store,
If you’ve never seen Breaking Bad before.
But if you have, that’s no problem at all;
Without giving any spoilers away;
Once Walter and Jesse have had their day,
You can watch the prequel: Better Call Saul.
There’re fifty episodes of that to get through,
Between now and Corona: season two.

Have you watched The Sopranos and the Wire?
If you haven’t, you can catch them on Sky,
(I’d also recommend Boardwalk Empire,
But HBO pulled it, I’m not sure why).
I’ve heard that Westworld’s a pretty big deal,
And much the same of The Real Chernobyl;
You can binge for weeks on The Walking Dead,
One of my favourites, it has to be said,
I’ve been from the start, a fan of that show;
Its array of characters, good and bad,
Fighting each other in a world gone mad,
With many a hapless zombie in tow,
Is sure to frighten and captivate you,
Between now and Corona: season two.

Game Of Thrones I’ve not seen, but I must say,
(And this is a spoiler alert, I’m afraid),
The ending, it’s said, went somewhat astray,
And disheartened viewers want it remade;
Some even signed a petition, I heard,
For the longer series they’d have preferred.
Personally, I’d rather watch Ozark;
It’s blend of comedy, often quite dark,
Underhanded deals with the FBI,
Marty Byrde laundering for the cartel,
Living on the edge and going through hell
As agents, gangsters, and hillbillies die,
Makes for an extremely compelling view,
Between now and Corona: season two.

Stranger Things four has alas, been delayed,
Due to the virus outbreak I’ve been told;
I hope, by the time it’s finally made,
It’s teenage cast hasn’t grown too old.
Have you seen the trailer for series four?
It’ll leave you salivating for more,
And I bet you’ll be gutted, just like me,
If you’ve already binge-watched the first three.
But despair not; Sneaky Pete’s back again,
Starring Bryan Cranston, who, if you recall,
Was in Breaking Bad, as was Arron Paul,
Who’s now in The Path, playing Eddie Lane.
I’ll watch them, as I’ve nothing else to do,
Between now and Corona: season two.

Friday, 3 April 2020


Some (April 3rd)

There was no figure, they haven’t a clue.
I don’t really know quite where to begin;
Four doctors have died and “Some” nurses too,
“Some”: now, allow that small word to sink in:
And ask yourself; as fatalities mount
And the NHS is brought to its knees,
Do those, deemed less important, even count?
Are nurses and porters not VIPs?
As we stood in the street and clapped last night,
It seems the powers-that-be knew not at all
How many have died, and even as I write,
All that I’m hearing is, numbers are “Small”.
Four doctors and “SOME” nurses so-far dead;
That’s what Matt Hancock, health minister said.