Thursday, 25 June 2020

In His Wife's Shoes

In his wife’s shoes

Trump in a pair of stilettos
Canvassed the poorest of ghettos
He danced in the street
To a nationalist beat
And wished he was wearing Repettos  

Second Wave

Second wave

Soaking sun like leeches
Screaming in delight  
Crowding Britain’s beaches
With not a mask in sight
People are defying
Instinctively they bathe
Unknowingly each trying
To catch the second wave

Monday, 22 June 2020

Life's a Test

Life’s a test

Looking down
From the edge
Of despair
A man cries
Life’s a test
Or else
What’s the point
Of all the pain?
People below
One foot dangling
Over their heads
Conducting them
Gazes transfixed
Silence spreads

I’m a performer
Tight rope walking
Between buildings tall
I wonder
How many are hoping
To see me fall?

Silence prevails
Resigned to fate
A deep breath
He gets ready to jump


Frozen unsure
The ground below
The time
Between here
And there
Thoughts arise
What will they be?
Hitting the ground
Will his soul be

Whatever you believe
Or fear
What’s last
Is a testament
That led you here
When time ceases
Are no more
Your last
Is the key
To eternity’s door

In an ambulance
Rescued by
Entering his head
Can you repeat
What you said?
Says a policeman
A seed  sown
The voice
Was none other
Than his own?

Back from the brink
No longer
Seeing differently
Life’s a test

Paths lead to
Sorrow wars
Which one’s yours?

Saturday, 20 June 2020

Epilogue or The Convict's Dream

Epilogue or The Convict’s Dream

A pestilence without a name
From Asia’s deepest regions came
And when its victory was gained
All but the very few remained

Each particle of pestilence
Had self-will and intelligence
And breathed in by humanity
It caused a mass-insanity

Infected folk began to feel
That they uniquely had the skill
Of knowledge quite unshakeable
All others being breakable

Each individual possessed
A strong belief that they knew best
And harder than the hardest stone
The truth was theirs and theirs alone

Cities were to madness driven
Villages and towns were riven
Businesses failed to run
And no one trusted anyone

No cure or solution found
No shared belief no common ground
The mass infected couldn’t see
In absence of humility

Not one agreement could be had
On what was good or what was bad
Partnerships of faux conviction
Ended soon in contradiction

Farming and agriculture ceased
As man like a demonic beast
Eaten up with mutual hate
Tried and failed to communicate

The armies mobilised and they
All fell apart in the same way
Brother turning on each brother
Stabbing shooting one another

Animals starved and nothing grew
There was disease and famine too
As people on their fellows fell
Each suffering a private hell

All over Earth the virus spread
Now there were very many dead
And no one but the chosen few
Survived to start the world anew


On waking in a conscious stream
Of thought upon the convict’s dream
Inside my head I made a leap
To wide awake from sound asleep

And in the early morning light
I there considered wrong and right
What Dostoevsky had to say
Rang true at least for me that day

Going on social media
Requoting Wikipedia
We put each other to the test
Convince ourselves that we know best

And as I think I comprehend  
Yet still I question in the end
The chosen few who no one knew
Who would they be if dreams came true?

Tuesday, 9 June 2020

The bunker

The bunker

Hiding in a bunker in forty five,
From anti-fascists, Hitler, running scared
And determined not to be caught alive,
Took a cyanide capsule, pre-prepared,
And tested on his dog some time before.
Eva did the same, consequently died,
And Hitler, presumably to be sure
Of success in committing suicide,
Gave himself a wound with his service gun;
And that, being as fatal as the pill,
Made doubly certain the job was well done;
The ending, perfectly fitting the bill,
Of despot, in a bunker, underground;
Does that sentence have a familiar sound?

What goes around

What goes around

Communists and Nazis
Fought each other’s parties
And the ruckus carried on
All through the night
Till finally both teams
Of political extremes
Joined hands and formed
A line from left to right  

Each end it was observed
Towards the other curved
And when they met
All hands were tightly bound
And with a karaoke
They sang the Okey Cokey
Together in a circle
Spinning round 

Saturday, 6 June 2020

Don't spread hate in the name of Lee

Don’t spread hate in the name of Lee

Don’t spread hate in the name of Lee;
You’re adding to the nation’s pain;
Show some respect for his family.

The murderous beasts will never see
Beyond a prison’s walls again;
Don’t spread hate in the name of Lee.

Against an entire community, 
His photograph is used in vain;
Show some respect for his family.

You’re tarnishing his memory,
And more division you’ll attain;
Don’t spread hate in the name of Lee.

His mother recently made a plea;
Your hurtful comments are a bane,
Show some respect for his family.

All lives matter, you say to me,
So if you claim to be humane,
Don’t spread hate in the name of Lee;
Show some respect for his family.

Friday, 29 May 2020



When she had the dread disease
That brought the country to its knees
The government advisor’s spouse
Should have stayed inside the house
In isolation for a spell
Along with Dominique as well
According to the rules set down
By Dom the party and the clown
But clearly having none have that
She called her husband for a chat
And consequently off they fled
To Durham many miles ahead
Where baby sitters just in case
Resided at Dom’s parent’s place
There being not a single one
In London who could have their son
Should Dom and Mary start to feel
Both equally extremely ill
And sure enough Dom did indeed
The next day follow Mary’s lead
He had to spend some days in bed
With fever and an aching head
And when his son went in decline
The remedy was 999
But it was nothing thankfully
A test proclaimed him COVID free
And some days later Dom himself
Was feeling in much better health
He made a call to those in power
And told them he felt better now
But Mary was quite worried still
She wasn’t going home until
She knew his eyes were at their best
And so therefore at her request
To make quite sure that he could see
Dominque drove his family
To Barnard’s outskirts where he found
His eyesight to be safe and sound
It was the simplest of trials
That half hour trip of thirty miles
But Dominque unwittingly
Albeit acting flippantly
In view of nothing being said
About the trip that went ahead
Has started now a brand new trend
Inasmuch as I comprehend
Now if you have COVID 19
And babysitters can’t be seen
You can visit most anywhere
Go on a daytrip once you’re there
And if your vision is impaired  
All prosecution will be spared
As long as you remember to
Say that’s what Dominique would do

Saturday, 23 May 2020

Chy Nah

Chy Nah

It’s all the fault of China
Said the grabber of vagina
And believers in the dream
Of America supreme
Golden pavements private health
Enterprise expansive wealth
And Hydroxychloroquine
Hailed the man with orange skin
With a God Almighty roar
As they psyched themselves for war
For nothing could be finer
Than enmity with China

Corona comes from China
The COVID grand designer
Was suggested to the crowd
Of disciples white and proud
Waving flags for whom God saves
With decedents owning slaves
Decent folk Trump does declare
To reporters everywhere
Not condemning their attacks
On innocent jogging blacks
And other things quite minor
Compared with crimes of China

Let’s go to war with China
And make the tariffs higher
Hinted Donald in a tone
Like Greg Stillson’s in Dead Zone
Trump was only talking trade
But the groundwork’s still been laid
For a possible exchange
Of ballistics fired long range
Or at least it seems to me
That’s a possibility
When every Trump one-liner
Appears to end with China

Saturday, 16 May 2020



How is a street of houses not hice
If more than one mouse is ruled to be mice?
Why do the measurements height and weight   
Respectively rhyme with white and mate?
How can an H be silent in hour
What is the meaning of K in knowhow?
Where is the logic in peer or fear
If pear pairs with dare and deer with near?

Why does a wound not have the same sound
As pound except when a clock’s being wound?
How can the plural of hoof be hooves
Or hoofs when roofs can no longer be rooves?
Why have an N in damns but not grams?
How no sheeps when there can be lambs?
What is the need of an E in more?
Twos Os in door yet never in law?

The GHT residing in bright
Silently present in fight delight
Insight and blight but not so in bite
Mite spite kite rite or stalagmite
Has kept me awake for many a night
And try as I might with eyes shut tight 
I toss and turn in sleepless flight
Considering words like freight and sleight.

Friday, 8 May 2020

Great Britain

Great Britain

Compassion and kindness, the power to forgive
Would surely make Britain a "Great" place to live
A culture of fear and a nationalist state
Might be for Great Britain but wont make it "Great"

Wednesday, 29 April 2020

Miracle Cure

Miracle cure

Outside the house,
As Trump announced,
To a journalist in a meeting,
That disinfectant and UV light,
Would give Corona a beating,
His legion fans,
Gave praise to their
Republican messiah,
And disbelieving Democrats,
Said now he should retire.

We knew from the start,
Deep down in our hearts,
That Trump and sanity
Are worlds apart,
And the Donald said,
Never mind, Detox it will be
And UV.

The theme of the sermon
Was come unto to me;
I’ve heard to my delight,
That COVID can be beaten,
By a very powerful light,
I’ve been advised
That ultraviolet
Is the way to healing,
And injecting disinfectant
Inside is almost a cleaning.

We knew from the start,
Deep down in our hearts,
That Trump and sanity
Are worlds apart,
And the Donald said,
Never mind, Detox it will be
And UV.

Before the watching
Eyes of many,
He spoke a load of shite:
He said that there
Would be a test,
“Sounds Interesting right?”
And billions around the world,
Thought he’d lost his mind,
It seemed like he believed,
He was the saviour of mankind.

Is Donald crazy?
I heard somebody say,
That lockdown will be over,
If his voters
Get their way.

Were eager to explain,
That Lysol isn’t meant to be
Injected in the vain,
And the next day,
Trump attended an
Oval office bill signing,
Sneering at reporters there
And vehemently denying.

We knew from the start,
Deep down in our hearts,
That Trump and sanity
Are worlds apart,
And the Donald said,
Never mind, Detox it will be
And UV.

We’re in a time
When truth and lies
Are endlessly elastic,
And he insisted in the meeting,
He was being “Sarcastic”,
With reporters
Just “Like you”,
When he raised the question,
Of household disinfectant
Being taken by injection.

Is Donald crazy?
Has he gone insane?
In any case,
He’s on the stage
And telling lies again.

Four more years
Of total bullshit
From the one who maunders
Biden is a rival
When you could have
Bernie Saunders.
Donald lives to lie another day
With disciples, running wild,
Canvassing and cheering
For that maniac man-child.

We knew from the start,
Deep down in our hearts,
That Trump and sanity
Are worlds apart,
And the Donald said,
Never mind Detox it will be
And UV.

Saturday, 25 April 2020



I started an autobiography;
A tale of what I as a boy went through,
But by the first paragraph, I could see,
It would be of no interest to you,
Unless you want to hear a sad old fool’s
Reminiscences of reluctant fights,
Nasty teachers, crap secondary schools,
Exam failures, bullies, sleepless nights,
Vandalism, boredom, aggravation,
Suicidal feelings, blood, broken glass
Beatings, bullshit, put downs, hesitation,
And being seen as a pain in the arse,
A frustrated, confused and angry youth;
An everyday kid, to tell you the truth.

Thursday, 23 April 2020

Face mask in a ditch

Face mask in a ditch

I saw a mask dropped in a ditch;
By an unknown son of a bitch,
Or, to be fair, it could’ve been,
The daughter of a drama queen,
The brother of a millionaire,
The sister of a French au pair,
The wife of a chiropodist,
The husband of a physicist,
The grandad of an errant son,
The nanny of a catholic nun,    
The mother of a know-it-all,
The father of a criminal.

I saw a mask that doctors wear,
Dumped seemingly, without a care,
I wonder who the perp could be:
A rail worker on ecstasy?
A vicar with an axe to grind?
A policeman with a twisted mind?
A factory worker running late?
A banker in a frenzied state?
A milkman with a messed up head?
A news reporter, keen to spread? 
A roofer with a wrongful view?
A chef who didn’t think it through?

I saw a piece of PPE,
Discarded very recklessly,
Left by someone feeling vile,
Or maybe living in denial:
It’s really quite beyond my guess,
I’m ruminating, more or less,
But seriously, I have to say,
A person who would act that way,
As things progress from bad to worse
Is adding to the COVID curse,
By dumping stuff that spreads disease,
When public health is on its knees.

Wednesday, 22 April 2020

Product placement alert

Product placement alert

Linda said, if you want something to do,
Tomorrow, you can always wash the car;
So I did, and it looks as good as new,
And if I was able to play guitar,
I’d write you a ditty; a wondrous song,
To make you dance, feel ecstatic, alive,
And joyful, as you clapped and sang along,
To an ode, that was conceived on my drive,
Upon which is sitting, as you read this,
The shiniest old red car in our street,
But, my dear reader, I would be remiss,
And my number would be missing a beat,
If I failed to include praise or two,
For Turtle Wax Zip Wax Car Wash shampoo.

Tuesday, 21 April 2020

Powered by love (or a rhyming paraphrase of a letter, written by Russel Brand, to Boris Johnson.

“Powered by love”

Dear Boris, now that you’re recovering,
I, quite touched when I saw you nearly cry,
Have written a letter, not expecting
At all that I’ll ever get a reply:
When you gave your statement upon discharge,
Seeing your humanity looming large;
Observing your tearful sincerity;
I fancied you had an epiphany,
And wondered, how can a party, led by you,
Ever again talk privatisation,
Rescind funding, without hesitation,
And cut welfare, health and social care too?
The NHS is “Powered by love”, you said;
Will you take then, another path instead?

I genuinely felt, perhaps na├»vely,  
You meant what you said when generously,
You praised the nurses, but specifically,
One Portuguese and another, Kiwi,
Then, I wondered, did you, knowing full well,
The Guardian with a story to tell,
Would very happily jump at the chance
To disparage somehow, your Brexit stance;
Did you, knowing as I say, hence decide,
The best thing to do is put on a show
And being explicit, from the get go
Was preferable to being decried;
Pre-empting as it were the front page news,
Of outlets with less sympathetic views?

Also, (though I’m not a cynical man)
When you keep repeating “Our NHS”
It’s like you and Cummings have forged a plan,
To drive home a message you want to press:
Functioning like a synecdoche,
Around a national identity,
The NHS, being a deity,
Entails governmental authority.
In other words, what better way is there
To achieve unassailable power,
Than having a pantheon; a sacred cow
To rally round in a time of despair;
You all the while hence retaining more hold,
Growing in stature, and ever more bold?

Being medically necessary,
The NHS can be used in  a way,
That assists power, indefinitely.
I guess what I’m really trying to say
Is, we love the NHS, completely;
It’s like a secular Virgin Mary,
A loving and yet tortured matriarch,
A shadow to an overt patriarch,
That dominates and usually abides:
What else could the NHS ever be
Other than female; a definite, SHE;
Caring while HE tolerates and decides?
Or could it just be my cynicism,    
Competing against my optimism?

So I suppose my point is, publicity;
i.e. the public face of government,
Involves strategy and duplicity;
A truth and information management.
Up until this pandemic, you must know,
Faith in MPs was at an all-time low,
And now, many of us in this present mess,
See opportunities to reassess
Our values, our cares, our priorities,
And one day, some kind of normality 
Will return and our lives again will be,
Determined by the four formalities:
Business, profit, power and control;
Four things that seemingly make up the whole.

 I’m not a cynic, I believe in love,
Optimism, ability to change,
Humanity, goodness, and God above
And being a cynic, for me, is strange.
My prayer to you Boris Johnson is,
When your post demands a return to this:
The four formalities in the last verse,
You’ll recall the names of every nurse,
And also the vulnerability,
The humility that comes with sickness,
And that, on either side of this crisis,
Suffering and fear are a constancy:
A backdrop to many now living here,
Including nurses that we all hold dear.

For the NHS, you, your family
And all of us; I now end this letter
With a prayer, and I say sincerely:
I’m glad you’re better
Stay better.

Love ********

Sunday, 19 April 2020



Underground overground wandering free
Cockwombles of lockdown Great Britain are we
Making good use of the time we’ve got spare
Driving and visiting everywhere

Uncles and aunties grandads and nannies
Brothers and sisters mums and dads
We’ll be popping around
Pick up a pizza and take it round your friends for tea

We congregate in the park and the street
Breathing all over the punters we meet
Underground overground wandering free
Cockwombles of lockdown Great Britain are we

We’re not infecting the people we see
And anyway how can we possibly be
Expected to stay at home in quarantine
We don’t shit about COVID nineteen

We’re so incredibly clever we stealthily 
Out in the country leave everything
Even bottles and tins
Plastic containers old magazines and bags of dog poo
It’s what we do

Underground overground wandering free
Cockwombles of lockdown Great Britain are we
Making good use of the time we’ve got spare
Driving and visiting everywhere

Saturday, 18 April 2020

I don't want to join that group

I don’t want to join that group

I don’t want to join that group
It seems a very angry thing
That’s keeping people in a loop
To which I’ve nothing new to bring
I’d thank you for the invite though
I’m guessing it was automated
Asking everyone you know
To join the group already stated

I don’t want to join that crowd
It doesn’t appeal at all to me
The membership’s a bit too loud
And proud as far as I can see
And having looked I have to say
The politics behind it all
Appears a little bit one way
Unless I’m being cynical

I don’t want to join that team
Of people over-keen to guess
Posting comments in a stream
Of suppositions more or less
Based on their conjecturing
On which way the wind will blow
Posturing and lecturing
In my opinion all for show

I don’t want to join that band
I guarantee I won’t be missed
Being sometimes out of hand
I’m likely to be booed and hissed
By people who I’ve never met
With strong beliefs at odds with mine
And so it is in that respect
That I reflectively decline

Friday, 17 April 2020

Badge of honour

Badge of honour

Hancock’s announced a badge has been made
For those who for years have been underpaid
Taken for granted treated like crap
Living on the edge in a poverty trap
These days for nurses everyone cheers
Three years ago there were jeers and sneers
And NHS workers were seen by many
As not worth a rise not even a penny
Junior doctors by government powers  
Were forced into working impossible hours
And if they threatened to go on strike
They were smeared by press and public alike
The public who wouldn’t or couldn’t see
Else why is there now a majority
Of the very same who three years ago
Told public services where to go
When skint and all but on their knees
They asked for an end to years of pay freeze?
But back to the badge well aint that sweet?
Or in the words of someone’s tweet
“This is not the thick of it secretary
This is life and death get PPE”
Well-meaning gestures are well and good
But it needs to be fully understood
That this government was til recently
Slashing and cutting recklessly
And as a result they closed down
Services in every city and town
Cos it seems to me unless I’m nuts
The reason for closures is government cuts
And till I see more evidence of sharing
To me the only badge worth wearing
Is the one that’s still on my coat today
Showing support for the BMA

Thursday, 16 April 2020

Donald Trump doesn't like The WHO

Donald Trump doesn't like The WHO 

Donald Trump doesn’t like The WHO,
For reasons that I Can’t Explain;
I asked, and he said, Who Are You?
And that, he Won’t Get Fooled Again.
Behind Blue Eyes, he thought it through,
Reminded me that, I’m A Boy,
And if The Kids Are Alright Too,
A Substitute, he’ll soon employ.

Though I Can See For Miles, it’s true,
And be Anyway Anyhow Anywhere,
Donald Trump doesn’t like The WHO;
It’s a Legal Matter beyond compare.
The Seeker of a brand new bill,
In a Magic Bus, has driven away,
And at 5.15, he’ll make a deal,
With Boris The Spider, in the UK.

Donald Trump doesn’t like The WHO,
His supple wrist is bound to crack;
He’s acting deaf, dumb and blind too,
And My Generation’s not Happy Jack.
See Me Feel Me Touch me Heal me,
Or Smash The Mirror, but in my view,
However much you think, I’m Free,
Donald Trump doesn’t like The WHO.



I wonder, can a leopard change its spots?
Altering its methods permanently?
Did our boy, on the road to Domestos,
Metamorphose upon epiphany?
Will he, I’m wondering, revert to type,
Returning to the old established way,
Of promising steak, while handing out tripe
To adoring masses, shouting “Hooray”?
He’s enacting now, things he rejected:
Helping the many, rather than the few;
Things that the many had not expected,
Under a rule of Conservative blue.
Will our boy revert post COVID 19?
The answer to that remains to be seen.

David Roland

Dave Roland

What can I say that hasn’t been said,
In relation to the ninety six dead,
At Hillsborough under “Blazing sunshine”,
On April fifteen, nineteen eighty nine,
Where, amidst the tragedy, Dave Owen tried,
To save the life of a young man who died?

I didn’t know Dave, but I would have liked to;
He seemed like the kind of person who,
Had a positive effect upon everyone,
Was “Youthful, unique, kindhearted and fun”,
And, in the words of his daughter, Michelle,
Made “People feel good about themselves” as well.

By all accounts, he was an excellent man;
I read that he was a Bowie fan;
And nurses, in their “Compassionate” way,
Played Bowie tunes by the bed, where he lay,
And those angels, I read, with every song,
Turned up the volume and sang along.

Dave Roland, who passed away recently,
Was a Man completely unknown to me,
But reading his story, I understood,
That he helped people, and made them feel good;
An example to others, definitely,
And indeed, “That should be his Legacy.”

Wednesday, 15 April 2020

Captain Tom Moore

Captain Tom Moore

At the time of writing, Captain Tom Moore,
Is two weeks shy of a hundred years old,
He served in Asia, in the last World War,
He’s “Typical Yorkshire, very controlled”,
With a walking aid, he’s lapping the grounds;
Out in his back garden every day,
His efforts have now raised millions of pounds,
And he intends to give it all away.
One hundred lengths he’s nigh achieved, no less,
And as donations continue to pour,
With love and respect for the NHS,
He’s determined to do a hundred more,
As the country salutes, a life, well led,
And that’s about all that needs to be said.

Tuesday, 14 April 2020

Despicable Me

Despicable Me

I didn’t get many likes one day
No one had anything much to say
But someone posted flippantly
For all to see
Despicable me

A nasty comment was on my wall
It didn’t make any sense at all
I looked at it bewilderedly
Despicable me

It leapt at me with a digital roar
Was it a troll? I couldn’t be sure
It said that I was utterly
Quite literally
Despicable me

I was perplexed I can’t deny
I didn’t delete I didn’t reply
It caught me unexpectedly
Despicable me

I really didn’t know what to think
Was there intent to cause a stink?
I asked myself repeatedly
What could it be?
Despicable me

I have to admit it had me beat
The content was rude and indiscreet
It made me feel undoubtedly
Despicable me

I didn’t get many likes one day
But I left the post up anyway
I’m actually totally   
Despicable me

Monday, 13 April 2020



 As thousands more die in the USA,
It seems Donald Trump is out of his depth.
What then, does the president have to say?
With knowledge verily lacking in breadth?
Something about Hydroxychloroquine:
He’s designating it a “Game changer”;
Against scientific advice, he seems keen,
To place more lives in the path of danger,
In what amounts to the throw of a dice.
And he has little or no assurance,
By way of expert medical advice,
For people lacking in health insurance:
“It’s like a miracle”, he says, with cheer,
The virus from “China” will, “Disappear”.

Sunday, 12 April 2020

Captain Cunt

Bully Beef

When Johnson’s discharged from hospital,
I hope one of the senior staff,
Gives him the kind of verbal maul
You’d give a teenager, who for a laugh,
Drank bleach for a dare, quite recklessly,
And hence ended up in A&E,
Diverting valuable staff away,
From dealing with the everyday;
Something along the lines of: “Okay
Boris? Feeling better now are you?
Oh, we’re elated that you pulled through
Like George, smiting the dragon, eh?
Bursting with the spirit of Blitz can-do,
Heroically taking one for the crew.”

“Well listen here, you lump of fuck;
You only ever fought in a dream:
Lying there, bereft of all pluck,
While a brilliant, underfunded team;
The cream of our public services;
Ambulance drivers, doctors and nurses;
(People who’d never hide astray
In a fridge), kept the Corona at bay.
Those unsung heroes from overseas,
With the minimum of PPE,
Fought for you determinedly;
Missing their terrified families,
They risked their lives and ceaselessly tried,
Minus the basics you failed to provide.”

“A team of foreigners, subjected to
A cynical, xenophobic drip-feed,
In spite of-and it’s well known to you-
Their dedication, in times of need.
And why? Because that rhetoric plays
To tabloids, and people, set in their ways;
People who, incidentally, would know,
If only you’d given them the get-go,
How drastic things would turn out to be,
And, Instead of placing your clammy hand,
On every sick person in the land,
You’d taken things more seriously,
And not through hospitals, recklessly flew
With nothing but adulation in view.”

“Whilst you survived, too many have died;
Colleagues of mine, have met their ends,
The worst paid of whom, it can’t be denied,
Is a thousand times worth one your friends,
Some of whom, lacking morality,
Have made millions from this calamity;
Complacently smirking as we speak;
Creaming the profits week upon week.
And while this damage you’ve already done,
Thanks to your colossal unfitness, 
To hold the prime minister’s office,
Can’t be undone now by anyone,
Perhaps the time you were helplessly sick,
Will in your memory actually stick."

“For the first time in your charmed life,
Of pampering and super-entitlement,
Did you feel humble in the face of strife,
Away from Number 10 and parliament?
Were you frightened, staring into the void?
With struggling lungs, almost destroyed?
And as you lay there, did you grasp,
The sense of your phrase “Operation last gasp”?
What idiots you must take us for,
To Winston Churchill, self-comparing,
When you’re not even Captain Mainwaring,
Oh Boris, you really are a card for sure;
The only man you’ll ever be to me,
Is Captain Cunt with a capital C.”

"Maybe now, after facing real grief,
You’ll drop the personae of a boy’s-own,
Eton educated bully beef,
And return to office, maturely grown,
(Preferably with a cabinet brand new)
To do what you were elected to do,
By Mail addled serfs, Conservative led,
(Quite bafflingly so, it has to be said).
Or, perhaps Boris, even better,
You’ll send the Queen an urgent letter,
Telling her you’ve decided to resign;
That would indeed suit me just fine,
Being as I am, quite sick of your face,
You’re not a PM, you’re a fucking disgrace!”

Saturday, 11 April 2020

Rocket Science

Rocket Science

I scroll through Facebook, see images there,
Of families gathered and friends well met,
And I ask of them, with dawning despair,
Which part of stay at home, do you not get?
As I understand, it’s only okay,
To work when it’s strictly necessary;
You can walk outside for an hour a day,
Visit doctors, in an emergency,
Drive to the chemists and shops for foodstuff,
Essentials and drugs of prescriptive kind;
And that’s about all; it’s simple enough;
You don’t need a rocket scientist’s mind,
And so, once again, I ask, with regret:
Which part of stay at home, do you not get?

Friday, 10 April 2020

Whiskey and a thin cigar

Whiskey and a thin cigar

I puffed away on a thin cigar,
In the evening air, as the clouds cleared,
Alone in the garden, regarding a star.

Enjoying a gift from Panama,
As smoke, dissipating, disappeared,
I puffed away on a thin cigar.  

I sat and pondered how some people are
By warm humanity, to friends endeared,
Alone in the garden, regarding a star.

The whiskey I’d poured didn’t go far,
And as to the bottle, my arm was steered,
I puffed away on a thin cigar.

I thought of discussions, often bizarre,
Philosophical, and uniquely weird,
Alone In the garden regarding a star.

And as I raised yet another jar,
In memory of a friend revered,
I puffed away on a thin cigar,
Alone in the garden, regarding a star.

Thursday, 9 April 2020

Nigel and his red white and blue tinted lenses

Nigel and his red white and blue tinted lenses

Nigel the nationalist, bought one day,
Fantastical specs in an antique sale;
He put them on eagerly, straight away,
And thus begins this unusual tale,
Of a patriotic, very proud male,
Visiting many a glorious place,
And the glasses that never leave his face.

Nigel’s glasses have magic properties;
Keeping all cold reality at bay,
And only the glory in things he sees;
Never a hint of despair or dismay.
Like propaganda, or a children’s play,
They embellish the facts selectively,
And their wearer sees things subjectively.

For instance: he witnessed, Agincourt, France,
Where Henry the fifth, with eight thousand men,
Contested the throne, with longbow and lance,
And slaughtered the French again and again;
Each British knight being worthy of ten;
Yes, he was there, and he heard Henry roar:
“Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more!”

In eighteen o five, Nigel was at sea;
At Trafalgar, he watched, as Nelson’s fleet,
Gave cause to the French and Spanish to flee,
As had been expected, easily beat,
Though Nelson died, in that great battle’s heat;
“Thank God I have done my duty”, he said,
With repetition, and then he was dead.

Oft through those lenses of red white and blue,
Nigel fancied he regularly saw,
Napoleon’s army at Waterloo;
Veterans of twenty three years of war,
Routed by the Duke of Wellington’s core,
Sweeping the field as the French fought and died,
And Napoleon fled with wounded pride.

At other times, shades of Rorke’s Drift appeared:
A hundred and fifty soldiers in red,
By four thousand Zulus, should have been speared,
Mutilated and surely left for dead, 
If not for the fact they were British-bred.
Hence many a Zulu met their maker,
As in the film, starring Stanley Baker.

His spectacles took him over the top,
Of a muddy trench in nineteen sixteen;
He saw wave upon wave of Tommy’s drop,
In a spectacle of slaughter obscene,
And he asked himself, what does this all mean?
But even the glasses changed nothing here,
So he turned away, and ran to the rear.

In the nineteen forties, from a spitfire,
The glasses gave him an aerial view:
He saw the Battle of Britain, entire,
And the bravery of the heroic few,
As into the Nazi bombers they flew.
They were proud British bulldogs, through and through,
And that’s why he chose to leave the EU.

Nigel saw Monty send Rommel to hell;
The bulldog spirit was in him for sure,
On Juno beach, he had it as well,
Being there, on D-Day, in ‘forty four,
And a year later, with a lion’s roar,
When victory came, he hovered in praise,
Over Churchill, on that finest of days. 

He was on the spot when the Junta tried
To take back the Falklands, staking their claim
On The Malvinas and, “Gotcha!” he cried,
When the Belgrano sank, in Thatcher’s name,
As the British armed forces, upped their game.
With Stanley then taken, he reflected,
And cheered when Thatcher was re-elected.

The above and more does Nigel perceive,
With red, white, and blue, distorting it all,
In many things he is led to believe;
The specs play the pipe; he follows their call,
To a promised land; a glorious ball,
Where the sun lights up his every desire,
And never sets on the British Empire.

Those glasses, make things seem rosy indeed,
And, presently, they’re being put to use,
As Britain, once more in an hour of need,
Faces a different type of abuse:
A Corona virus is now on the loose,
Going by the name of, COVID 19,
And Nigel’s vision is sweeping it clean:

“Britain is proud to be standing alone,
We had a vote and we’ve made our point clear:
We’ve set ourselves free from the Eurozone;
There’ll be no EU ventilators here
Boris will save us, we’ve nothing to fear”.
So says Nigel, as battle commences,
Seeing the world through those tinted lenses.

And as this history’s yet to unfold,
I’ll end Nigel’s story, or at least pause;
No one knows the outcome, and, truth be told,
Do I have good reason to mock his cause?
If he’s right, I’ll even offer applause.
Till then dear reader, I’ll leave it now,
As our Nigel awaits his finest hour.

Wednesday, 8 April 2020

Pay cap vote June 29 2017

Pay cap vote June 29 2017

The NHS is up there with the best,
And that’s why I came out, the other night,
To stand in the street and cheer with the rest,
The heroes in the front line of the fight
Against this devastating, dread disease,
With all its remorseless brutality,
Bringing nurses and doctors to their knees,
In the face of their own mortality.
Yes, I stood and cheered, and will do again;
Indeed, I could say, I feel duty bound,
To applaud the brave relievers of pain,
Risking their lives to keep all safe and sound,
Including the voters who looked away
When cheering Tories capped NHS pay.

Tuesday, 7 April 2020



With policies of the bluest hue,
You’ve imprinted your mark upon our age,
And now, I find myself likening you
To a caterpillar at pupa stage;
A chrysalis in hibernation state,
Watched and attended to with loving care,
And I’m wondering, what will be your fate?
Are radical changes going on there?
I say, with the deepest sincerity,
I hope you’ll burst from your hapless cocoon,
A picture of health and vitality,    
And with brand new wings you’ll fly away soon,
Leaving a vacancy there in your stead,
For an admiral, of the deepest red.

Monday, 6 April 2020

Olympics 2020 men’s 100 metre final (COVID STYLE)

Olympics 2020 men’s 100 metre final (COVID STYLE)

Athletes, their respective venues, and local GMT.

Christian Coleman (USA): National Stadium, Tokyo, Japan. GMT 23:00.
Noah Lyles (USA): Luzhhniki stadium Moscow, Russia. GMT 17:00.
Divine Oduduru (Nigeria): Barra Park Stadium Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. GMT 11:00.
Nigel Ellis (Jamaica): Birds Nest Stadium, Beijing, China. GMT 22:00.
Yohan Blake (Jamaica) LA Memorial Stadium, Los Angeles,  USA. GMT 07:00.
Andre de Grasse (Canada): FNB Stadium,  Johannesburg, South Africa. GMT 16:00.
Abdul Hakim Sani Brown (Japan): Munich Stadium, Munich, Germany. GMT 16:00.
Akani Simbine (South Africa) London Stadium, London, UK. GMT 14:00.

In spite of Corona, isolation
And lockdown forced upon every nation,
Thanks to worldwide cooperation,
Olympic will and determination,
The day of reckoning is finally here;
Billions in living rooms now can cheer,
The athletes, each, in a separate location,
Poised in silent anticipation,
Lined up against each other on screen,
In stadiums, immaculately clean,
Psyching themselves for the ultimate test;
A record breaking personal best:

In Tokyo’s National Stadium today,
Christian Coleman of the USA,
Gives his compatriot, Noah Lyles,
In Russia’s Luzhniki, the briefest of smiles,
Divine Oduduru’s hoping to thrill,
Nigeria in the Barra Park, Brazil,
Nigel Ellis in Beijing’s Bird Nest,
Has assured Jamaica, he’ll run his best
As has Yohan Blake, in Memorial, LA;
He’s dying to win a gold medal today,
Andre de Grasse hopes Canada will see
Him win, in South Africa’s FNB,
Japan’s Abdul Hakim Sani Brown,
In Munich’s, determined to bring the house down,
And, South African, Akani Simbine,
Hopes, from London, to sweep the board cleanly.

On your marks,
Get set,

Lyles is off fast;
Coleman too,
Oduduru’s lagging,
Blake’s through,
Ellis and Grasse
Are neck and neck,
Brown’s keeping
Simbine in check,
Nearly there
Lyles is in full flare
But Oduduru’s
Had a burst;
He’s gone
From last to first.

He’s over the line,
In a very fast time:

Oduduro; new Olympic champion,
In the quiet and empty Russian stadium,
Sees on the screens each fellow athlete,
Congratulate him on his wondrous feat;
He was up against the best, and what’s more,
There’s never been an African winner before,
And I hope in future, many will speak,
Of this race, in so many ways, unique;
Will it overshadow COVID 19?
The answer to that, remains to be seen;
I wonder if, four years from this day,
The race will be run in the usual way,
And though dear reader, it has to be said,
The entire event, came out of my head
I’m sure you’ll agree, as I grind to a halt,
It was less of a race, in the absence of Bolt.



They kicked in the door with tempers inflamed
Entered the house of the named and shamed
Dragged the occupant into the street
Handcuffed his hands and tied his feet

Over his head they placed a sack 
Went off in a van with him in the back
To an undisclosed remote location
Where there began an interrogation

As one of their members all the while
Filmed and recorded the kangaroo trial
With muffled voices they screamed their hate
And battered him into a bloody state

He begged pleaded and offered bribes too
But showing no mercy was their common view
And when they were done they left him there
Half dead in the middle of night and nowhere

After farewells and mutual praise
The merry gang went their separate ways
And being a conscientious man
Their driver with alcohol cleaned his van

Into his house he stealthily crept
And as his wife and children slept
He left his mask and suit in the hall
Previewed the film and uploaded it all

On a fake account with traces removed
Ensuring involvement could never be proved 
He posted the footage there to be found
Like a virus to share and spread around

Curled up in bed with his sleeping wife
At ease and totally content with life
He felt the caper a job fairly done
And the film of a standard second to none

Was sure to be seen by hordes of punters
And knowing for sure it soon would be banned

He entered sleep with another one planned

Saturday, 4 April 2020

Boxset (dedicated to Ben Powis)

Boxset (dedicated to Ben Powis)

Since socialising is against the law;
You can’t visit friends, or go to the pub;
Amazon, Netflix, iPlayer, More 4,
Sky Atlantic, and The ITV Hub,
Are alternatives to restaurants, bars,
Coffee shops, theatres, and cinemas,
And, I have to say, you’ve a treat in store,
If you’ve never seen Breaking Bad before.
But if you have, that’s no problem at all;
Without giving any spoilers away;
Once Walter and Jesse have had their day,
You can watch the prequel: Better Call Saul.
There’re fifty episodes of that to get through,
Between now and Corona: season two.

Have you watched The Sopranos and the Wire?
If you haven’t, you can catch them on Sky,
(I’d also recommend Boardwalk Empire,
But HBO pulled it, I’m not sure why).
I’ve heard that Westworld’s a pretty big deal,
And much the same of The Real Chernobyl;
You can binge for weeks on The Walking Dead,
One of my favourites, it has to be said,
I’ve been from the start, a fan of that show;
Its array of characters, good and bad,
Fighting each other in a world gone mad,
With many a hapless zombie in tow,
Is sure to frighten and captivate you,
Between now and Corona: season two.

Game Of Thrones I’ve not seen, but I must say,
(And this is a spoiler alert, I’m afraid),
The ending, it’s said, went somewhat astray,
And disheartened viewers want it remade;
Some even signed a petition, I heard,
For the longer series they’d have preferred.
Personally, I’d rather watch Ozark;
It’s blend of comedy, often quite dark,
Underhanded deals with the FBI,
Marty Byrde laundering for the cartel,
Living on the edge and going through hell
As agents, gangsters, and hillbillies die,
Makes for an extremely compelling view,
Between now and Corona: season two.

Stranger Things four has alas, been delayed,
Due to the virus outbreak I’ve been told;
I hope, by the time it’s finally made,
It’s teenage cast hasn’t grown too old.
Have you seen the trailer for series four?
It’ll leave you salivating for more,
And I bet you’ll be gutted, just like me,
If you’ve already binge-watched the first three.
But despair not; Sneaky Pete’s back again,
Starring Bryan Cranston, who, if you recall,
Was in Breaking Bad, as was Arron Paul,
Who’s now in The Path, playing Eddie Lane.
I’ll watch them, as I’ve nothing else to do,
Between now and Corona: season two.