Saturday, 14 September 2019

At the end of the day

At the end of the day

At the end of the day
She was the kind of person
Who at the drop of a hat
Would present a plate of food
Anything from biscuits
Baked beans on toast        
Curry or Sunday roast
She was the kind of person
Who would mop up blood
With a bucket and sponge
No second thought
Disgust or regret
With fortitude I’ll never forget

She was the kind of person who
Held people together like glue
Stood by her family
And her friends too
Didn’t suffer fools
Was loyal and true
Loved to have a laugh
And a drink or two
Faced down a problem
And saw it through
A better person
I never knew

Today I’m very mindful that
Once upon a time I was indeed
(Though she never made me feel)
A dire friend in need

Today I’m very mindful that
Her cloak that fitted like a glove
Was woven with humour
Kindness and love

Today I’m very mindful that
Aside from all my praising
To everyone who knew her
She was genuinely amazing

I wish she’d  had a longer time
Not cut by illness in her prime
And the world today is less of a place
Without her smile and beautiful face

She was the kind of person
Who made things better
By being there
And I miss her
More than words can say
She was my best friend
At the end of the day

Friday, 13 September 2019

Crime and punishment

Crime and punishment

What motivates a reckless achiever’s
Drive, ambition and animosity?
He lies to himself and his believers;
He justifies every atrocity.
Under the title; “Great”, he’s permitted
To commit all manner of ruthless crimes;
Culpability’s never admitted.
Climbing the ladder to glorious times,
Backed by the worshiping majority,
The villain emerges as a hero;
Justices, under his authority,
Are trivialised and reduced to zero.
Crimes, unpunished, instead are rewarded
And heroic accolades accorded.

Wednesday, 11 September 2019



Outside the surgery
Of the last GP in town
People with sleeping bags
Were sitting on the ground
Eating bacon sandwiches
Drinking mugs of tea
One grabbed me by the entrance
And screamed impatiently 

Get to the back of the queue mate
We’ve been here all night
Get to the back of the Queue you mug
Unless you want a fight
Who the Hell do you think you are
Are you taking the piss
Get to the back of the queue you
I’m having none of this

His ranting and his raving
Was more than I could bear
And he was supported
By a dozen others there
So I turned and walked away
There was nothing I could do
But wait and stand in line
At the back end of the queue

Daylight turned to dusk
Dusk turned into night
The queue stretched ever onwards
Without an end in sight
I sat down on the pavement
Collapsing in a heap
And an old lady said to me
As I fell asleep

Get to the back of the queue come on
You’re sitting in my spot
Get to the back of the queue young man
I’m desperate and you’re not
I need a new prescription
I’m older than you by far
Get to the back of the queue you
Who do you think you are

I walked all through the night
And all the next morning too
And in the afternoon
There was still no end in view
I hopped onto a bus
For a twenty minute ride
Got off at the station
And joined the queue outside

I bought a railway ticket
And from London caught a train
All the way down to Land’s End
And then back up again
To John O’Groats in Scotland
But the queue still never ended
Through villages, towns and cities
It’s lengthening extended

I caught a train back to Essex
Where I jostled past
Angry people in the garden
Camping on the grass
And as I turned the key
In the lock of my front door
I was deafened by the sound
Of an ear-drum splitting roar

Get to the back of the queue pal
Stop trying to push in front
Get to the back of the queue son
You selfish Jeremy Hunt
I’m sick of people pushing in
It ought to be a crime
Get to the back of queue you
I’ve told you one last time

After I explained to him
That this is where I live
And I‘d seriously run out
Of flying fucks to give
I made a reluctant phone call
And in desperation
Took out a second mortgage
For a private consultation

And looking out the window
At the people still outside
Thinking about what cuts
To public services implied
I started feeling guilty
For taking the private route
And robbing the NHS
Of a valuable recruit

I picked up the phone again
With guilt still in my head
Cancelled the consultation
Got undressed went to bed
And fell asleep and dreamed of
Wandering up and down
A never ending queue to see
The last GP in town

And if there’s a conclusion
I don’t know what it is
But leaving open-ended
Would be very much remiss
So by way of a denouement
Here’s my advice to you
If you need to see the last GP
Join the fucking queue!

Friday, 6 September 2019



My wife said to me
Somewhat anxiously
I’m very much in love
With you today
And I want a word with you
Tell me do you love me too
So I answered
In a reassuring way

Does honey come from bees
Do squirrels climb up trees
Do turtles nest
And lay eggs on the beach
Are the Rolling Stones a band
Does the universe expand
Did George the sixth
Have problems with his speech

Does Hamilton race cars
Did Churchill smoke cigars
Are quarks the smallest
Objects known to science
Did Lawrence ride a camel
Is a killer whale a mammal
Was Ghandi jailed for
Passive non-compliance

Are rhinoceroses rare
Is Bill Gates a Billionaire
Was Pennywise a demon
In disguise
Was Biggie Smalls a rapper
Is a WC a crapper
Do flies eat shit
Have spiders got eight eyes

Was Al Capone a Mobster
Did Dali paint a lobster
Does Grayson Perry
Sometimes wear a dress
Was George Elliot female
Did Sir Francis Drake set sail
Are there strawberries and
Meringues in Eton Mess

Have banks done dodgy deals
Do polar bears eat seals
Do British trains get
Cancelled due to snow
Did Caligula lose the plot
Does a Bentley cost a lot
Was Trotsky taken out
In Mexico

Are battery hens abused
Was Victoria unamused
Did Sally Gunell win
Olympic gold
Are the icecaps in decline
Does a grape grow on a vine
Are the pyramids of
Giza very old

Do fruit trees flower in spring
Could Pavarotti sing
Did David Bailey
Take a photograph
Are the seas and rivers wet
Does Las Vegas take a bet
Did Gandalf face
The Balrog with his staff

Was Philip born in Greece
Did Theresa cut the police
Did Cameron shag a pig’s
Head in a club
Does Tiger Woods play golf
Should kids keep away from Rolf
Did Mufasa die
When Simba was a cub

Is the pope a catholic
Is Titanium metallic
Was Kasparov 
Much good at playing chess
Is calamari squid
Would you like a million quid
Do I love you darling