Philip fixed my WC
A lady I met, out walking one day,
Was eager to tell me an anecdote
Re Philip, who’d recently passed away,
But in truth, her tale was nothing of note:
Mine was much more than a royalist’s thrill;
To be brief: the toilet was blocked, and I,
Being lumbered with a limited skill,
When it comes to repairs and DIY,
Phoned up a plumber; thereafter appeared,
A man, well past the age of retirement,
Wearing a highlander’s kilt and I feared
He was lost, so I asked his requirement,
To which his reply proclaimed him to be
The plumber I’d called, though I’d never guess;
As before stated, so ancient was he;
His face rather like Prince Philip’s, no less!
And after he’d told me his name was “Phil,”
I would’ve died, if surprises could kill.
“Tell me the way to your WC,”
Said he, with an accent, fair upper class,
And as he went up, I offered him tea,
To which he replied; “No thank you, I’ll pass;
I can’t stand the stuff, though coffee I’ll take,”
And so for Phil, I a coffee prepared;
A couple of ticks it took me to make,
And as I was pouring it, he declared,
“I’ve cleared a blockage, not overly large;
It really was quite a minor repair,
And I feel inclined to waiver the charge;
A hot beverage seems perfectly fair”,
I offered him cash, but he insisted;
“I’ve plenty of money, much more than you,
Please don’t persist, my arm won’t be twisted”.
The coffee he drank, thus taken as due,
He bade me farewell, saying, “Mum’s the word,”
And left me perplexed at what had occurred.
“You’re pulling my leg sir,” the lady said;
“Philip would never have done such a thing,”
And as she became quite angrily red,
I told her of William, our future king,
Attentively waiting behind the wheel
Of a land rover, to take his man back,
And I must confess, it gave me a thrill
When Wills, as Phil, with an audible crack,
Hoisted himself in the car, said, “Hallo,
Bravo, Tally-ho, cheerio, goodbye”
And as he drove off, there was a great show
Of waving flags and a forces fly-by;
A rousing rendition of “God Save The Queen”
Drowned out the jets, and the neighbourhood sang
With patriotism, joyful and keen,
And I fancied, as my alarm bell rang:
If ever a dream turned out to be true,
The Windsors would make a great plumbing crew.
