Burst pipe
A burst pipe on a winter’s night
The mains tap was jammed up tight
I grabbed a can of WD
Sprayed it very liberally
Still the handle wouldn’t turn
Dialled a plumber in concern
Out on an emergency
He said he’d get back to me
Phoned another one instead
Sorry sir the message said
All the staff are out on call
Nobody’s available
Leave your number and your name
Three hours later no one came
A burst pipe on a winter’s night
Enough to make your hair turn white
Water on the kitchen floor
Bailed out through the back door
Outside it was minus ten
Made me think of homeless men
A burst pipe on a winter’s night
Not a very pleasant sight
I was feeling sore depressed
Freezing cold and very stressed
Tried to turn the tap again
Fingers thumbs and wrists in pain
Then I with a hammer tapped
Nothing turned but something snapped
My wife very angrily
Screamed a loud profanity
A burst pipe on a winter’s night
A.K.A. a crock of shite
My endeavours came to naught
To cut a mundane story short
The water didn’t cease to pour
The Kitchen was a sea shore
The piped sprayed ceaselessly
The plumber came eventually
Stopped the flow charged a mint
And according to the small print
On the insurance policy
The water lost was down to me
Consequently all the spill
Was added to the monthly bill
And presently I’m wishing I
Was handier at DIY
A burst pipe on a winter’s night
It cost the earth to put it right
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