In YouWendy Oh

In You Wendy Oh!

I was playing with myself, one fine day,

Indulging in a game of Solitaire,

With my tired old deck ; and about to lay

A well fingered queen of diamonds, when there

Came a knock, causing me to stand erect,

Walk to the front door, and turn the knob,

Knowing neither who nor what to expect;

And there was Wendy, who’d been on the job,

With a pair of shears at her evergreen,

The which she was struggling with the tall bits,

Left wild, on account of their having been

The nesting abode, of a pair of tits,

And which were presently well overgrown;

Eggs hatched, nest empty, tits, fledglings, long flown.

“I’ve a long Black and Decker”, said I,

“It should be able to reach, at a push,

You’re welcome to borrow, and give it a try,

Or else I’ll come over, and trim your bush”.

Offer accepted; I cut, and she held

My step ladder steady, lest I should fall;

And all the bush cuttings, leaves, branches, felled,

Filled up her two sacks in no time at all.

“Thank you” said Wendy “Now I can get on

With finding my nape vibrator that’s lost;

I’ve put it somewhere: God knows where it’s gone;

I hope I’ve not inadvertently tossed

It”; “Oh” I replied, “Wendy, don’t worry,

I’ll help you find it; I’m in no hurry”.

Standing, and crouching, and down on all fours,

In the main bedroom of Wendy’s semi,

I meticulously went through her draws,

Whilst she, below, made juices aplenty,

In the kitchen; keeping me hydrated,

Till, low and behold, I found her device!

Suffice to say she, highly elated,

Applied it around her neck in a trice:

“Oh what a relief” said she, with a sigh;

“Where did you find it? I’ve looked everywhere”,

“Here”, I responded, by way of reply:

“In amongst your bottom-drawer underwear”;

And all being said and decidedly done,

I returned home to solitary fun.