Four Bellends and a Farage

Four Bellends and a Farage

A firm on the brink of ruination,

Finally entered administration,

Upon a further turbulent five years,

Of erosion, on the part of Sir Keir’s

Management, which was certainly no worse

Than that of before, yet failed to reverse

The consequences of that reckless teams’

Underinvestment and devious schemes;

Sir Keir, amounting to more of the same,

Being identical in all but name,

Team Starmer fled leaving no one in charge,

Hence enter four bellends, and a Farage.

There shortly followed a town-hall meeting,

Whereat the Farage, post formal greeting,

Said, “Our once great company’s in dire need

Of reform, and I invite you to read

This new contract, written by Richard Tice,

My good friend, colleague and source of advice”;

Said contract was later picked up by all

In attendance, upon leaving the hall;

Deafened ears, ringing with rapturous cheers,

Eye moistened, cheeks sodden with joyful tears,

As the Farage obliged each member of staff

Requesting a selfie and autograph.

But who were the aforementioned bellends;

The Farage’s colleagues and very good friends?

Richard Tice was a property millionaire,

Who’d spent some time in the Farage’s chair,

Temporarily keeping his seat warm,

Spreading the gospel of business reform,

Whilst the Farage was airing right-wing views

On Fox LBC and GB News.

Ben Habib was a property magnate

A losing by-election candidate

A long term Tory party donator,

Brexit fanatic, and boat-people hater.

Lee Anderson, known as 30p Lee,

Had a very limited vocabulary,

“I just want my country back”, he’d complain,

Over and over and over again.

And last but not least, Doctor David Bull,

Founder of the company Incredibull;

One time presenter and Tory MP,

Now deputy leader, both Habib and he.

“This is the board that will see the firm through

A total reform, refreshing brand new”,

So-said the Farage, and how the staff cheered,

Blinded as they were before the mist cleared.

And clear it did, by which time the Farage

And the bellends, were no longer at large;

Profits, unshared were enough for five yachts,

An island retreat, and elite private plots.

And who did the staff seek for punishment

Whilst drowning in debt and impoverishment?

Not the Farage, no nor the bellends;

They would be always remembered as friends:

Woke ideology, trans, immigration,

Dragged down the firm, along with nation,

As implied in the Farage’s contract,

That was an incontrovertible fact.

See contract excerpt below:

"Record mass immigration has damaged

our country. The small boats crisis threatens

our security. Multiculturalism has imported

separate communities that reject our way of

life. Divisive, ‘woke’ ideology has captured our

public institutions. Transgender indoctrination is

causing irreversible harm to children".