A years' worth of tears

A years’ worth of tears

One day, I fancy, I’ll get a cup,

Collect all the tears that run down my cheeks,

And, if in a bucket, I save them up,

I reckon, that after fifty two weeks,

The amount would be a hell of a batch.

What would I do with a bucket of tears?

Wash the car? Water the broccoli patch?

Or keep them, and save up another years

Worth of salty tears, which is quite a lot,

And I bet you’re reading this and thinking,

Why the Hell is he telling us this rot?

Is he on drugs, or has he been drinking?

The truth is, I sniff lots of onion juice,

And I want to put the tears to good use.