Pritti Patel

Pritti Patel

Pretty pitiless Pritti Patel

Some say (but not I)

You’re rather attractive

To me you’re a demon out of Hell

Who’s economically inactive?

Pitiless Pritti

Please do tell

And whilst you’re at it

Oh Pritti Gal

What kind of deal

Did you make with Israel?

Did Netanyahu
Make your head swell?

Pitiless Pritti

Please do tell

Pitiless Pritti

Can it be explained?

What did you mean in

Britannia Unchained?

Do you want to shrink

The welfare state?

And ruin the course

Of a worker’s fate

Oh Pitiless Pritti

You drive me crazy

When you say

British workers are lazy

Would it bring  joy

If conditions fell?

Pitiless Pritti

Please do tell

Pitiless Pritti

When migrants are finished

Will worker’s rights

Be further diminished?

It’s such a short while

Since you’ve achieved power

Are there eight million

Jobless now?

Do you wish to employ

The sick and needy

In order to feed

The wicked and greedy?

Would you make

Pensioners work as well?

Pitiless Pritti

Please do tell

Pitiless Pritti

You’ve made me distraught

Is poverty not

The government’s fault?

Do you see yourself

As a Thatcherite belle

A member elite

Of the Tory cartel?

To me you’re a demon out of Hell

You’re

Pretty pitiless Pritti Patel

Vegan fail

Fillet of steak was a favourite course

Served rare and bloody with thickly cut chips,

Tomatoes, mushrooms and peppercorn sauce,

And many a time would he wipe his lips,

As he chewed and swallowed in between sips

Of Malbec or Shiraz of deepest red,

Prior to mopping with crusty French bread.

One day, in a paper, he read a tale

Of a cow and her calf, badly beaten;

He pondered the fate of cattle for sale;

Milked nigh to death and finally eaten;

He thus researched, and upon completion,

Decided he no longer fancied steaks,

Milk in his coffee, or on his cornflakes.

He did more research, and gave up on cheese,

Butter, eggs, and all other dairy fare.

He turned attention to the rivers, seas,

And the mammals and fishes living there.

He mused on fishermen’s nets in despair.

Suffice to say, he no longer ate fish;

Haddock or cod had no place on his dish.

He suffered the ridicule of his peers

They called him rude names (though mostly in jest),

And when he joined them for after work beers,

His diet was sorely put to the test;

He’d guzzled too much, along with the rest,

And at closing time ended up on the street,

In search of more beer and something to eat.

And alas, his veganism was shed;

The gallon of lager led him astray,

A meat craving switch turned on in his head,

And to the kebab house he found his way,

Where a doner ended his brief foray.

The lure of the lamb was hard to ignore;

He was defeated; a vegan no more.

These days he’s oft at the dinner table,

Awaiting a fillet of rare cooked steak.

He’d tried for a while, but wasn’t able

To live on a solely vegan intake,

The pledges were all too easy to break;

He’s back to being an omnivore now,

In spite of the calf and suffering cow. 

Hamlet (Redundant)

Hamlet (redundant)

In my heart there is a kind of fighting

That doesn’t allow me to sleep at night.

I wake before dawn with thoughts of writing,

And stare at a screen of Microsoft white.

My wife (who writes at least as well as me),

Lies in light slumber, after deep sleep.

She hasn’t time to sigh ponderously;

She works for us both now; pays for our keep.

I bring her tea and toast; breakfast in bed,

Go back downstairs, sit staring at the screen

And try to convert the thoughts in my head

Into saleable points, not before seen.

But, alas, I’m bereft of ideas;

With thoughts of money, my muse disappears.

Sonnet the hedgehog

Sonnet the hedgehog

I can’t remember the last time I saw

A hedgehog in my back garden at night,

Scurrying around outside the back door,

Or curled up in a ball of prickled fright.

They used to feed upon the slimy slugs

That damaged the flowers, and ate the greens,

And they purged the number of harmful bugs

That spoiled the strawberries and runner beans.

These days, bugs are free to commit their crimes,

The slugs are no longer met with dispatch,

And I look with sadness, back on the times,

When hedgehogs policed our edible patch.

Now hedges by fences have been replaced,

And my back garden is no longer graced.